Do you hear me?

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Day 13

I used to think I was a good listener. Like, a really good listener. I’m not sure why I thought this other than maybe I just seemed to be one. And people tended to unload on me and I didn’t stop them. But newsflash I wasn’t! Deepak explains that there are three levels to Deep Listening that allows us to be heard.

Listen with our ears
Listen with our minds
Listen to hear with complete awareness and intimacy

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So, clearly I was not doing all of that. But I notice now, I find it much easier to really listen when people talk to me. I’m no longer half listening and waiting to speak. There is a HUGE difference. I actually ask questions now. Before I would have just started talking when it was my turn with no recognition for what the other person just said. There is no love in that. I have to say this came naturally with the clarity that overcame me in my journey. This wasn’t something that happen right away when I started meditating, or stopped drinking, or right when I began to feel better or any of the other things I did to better my life. It was probably a year or so into feeling good. I was driving on the highway on my way to my yoga class and I just had a moment of pure clarity when I realized I could feel and see everything differently. I felt very alive. The music I was listening to, the clouds in the sky, the sun shining, all of it felt very different. Not only that but it was like I was seeing life with new eyes. I was calm, happy and clear. I wondered in that moment if most people live that way on a daily basis and I was just not aware for a very long time. I don’t know. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m so “clean” now. The no alcohol, no caffeine, etc. combined with the meditation, yoga, volunteering, friendships that all came together to make that happen. I’m not sure. But it was a moment of awareness that I’ll never forget.

In my notes from this day I wrote the following:

I need to pay closer attention when family members talks to me. Sometimes when they are talking a lot I tune her out.

The second part of my journaling was notes about a friend who was truly a good listener. I could learn a lot from her.

She listens, asks questions and follows up with questions days later. Shows she cares.

And third I wrote.

I want more. I have energy. I’m ready.

That’s powerful.

This week ask yourself if you are fully present when in conversation with others. What could you do to be more present for those around you? I’d love to hear your comments. Thank you for being here!

Dynamic Life vs Active Life

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Day 11/12

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I’ve talked before about Emotional Contagion, and in some ways the energy you bring into a room take on the same contagiousness. Deepak says “When you walk into a room, you bring your energy with you. Everyone can feel it. We choose what we send into the world.” Deepak explains the difference between a Dynamic Life vs an Active Life. A lot of us have Active Lives (mental activities and rushing around and ending up feeling empty). In a Dynamic Life there is a purpose to your energy.

This got me thinking of my own life before and after my injury. I most definitely had the Active life prior to my injury.. rushing, rushing, rushing with no meaning. Very self-centered. Now I have a much more Dynamic Life which I have built over the last few years to include all the things that have meaning and give me joy. It’s a completely different life.

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How was I choosing to show up? What kind of energy was I bringing into the room. We have to own that. We are responsible for it. When someone unleashes their negative energy you can feel it. So, next I was to make a list of how I wanted to show up from now on. Here we go.

Open
Warm
Friendly
Kind
Asking Questions
Talking to Everyone
Be Involved
Be Authentic to Who I am
Engaging
Positive
Complimentary

I try to run through a version of this list before I walk into an exercise class, meeting up with friends, going to events, talking on the phone and even just going grocery shopping! ANYWHERE I will be seeing people. Even in my own home. If I don’t, it’s so easy to fall into being with myself only and cutting everyone off. I can even feel when my energy is like that so I KNOW others around me are feeling it and that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid.

This week try making a list of how you would like to show up in your life. Keep it somewhere you will see it until it becomes a habit to run through it mentally before engaging with others! I would love to see your lists! Thank you for being here!

Hang On!

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Day 7/8

As I moved through my Meditation Experience, thinking about relationships in my life, both with family and friends, a few things became clear. My oldest son was growing up. At this time he was 19 years old and in his first year of college. I’ve come to grips with the fact that he has other things he wants to do now than hang out with his mom! But I miss hanging out with him terribly. This is not a unique situation I’m in. Everyone with grown children would probably tell you a similar story. But that doesn’t make it any less painful. I was losing him. I felt like (and still do) that things are happening in fast forward and I’m just trying to hang on as he makes his way through life. I can barely catch up with my feelings as he moves to the next new thing. I wasn’t used to the idea of him living in a dorm when suddenly we were getting him his apartment for the following year. And at the same time he was asking us to send him abroad to study. I hadn’t even adjusted to him not living at home fully and suddenly all this was happening. It felt fast. Really fast. That’s all I can say. I never feel ready. Things just keep moving forward. I think when they are little and things move forward, we are parents and are in control. So, we can manage it easier. But, when they are adults that control is gone.

What I try to do when I’m feeling out of control is to re-frame the situation and tell myself he is growing into a strong adult. I mean, at some point, he’s got to be off and running on his own right? When I was his age, I had my own apartment (with a roommate) with no one supporting me. I worked a full-time corporate job and went to school at night. I found my own doctors, made my own appointments and began saving for a condo. So, when I think about it that way, he really doesn’t need me as much as I think he does.

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Deepak says “Love is essential as a human.” And I feel like love changes with the different seasons of our lives. I will always miss that little boy who wanted to be with me every hour of every day. When I see other moms and little boys I tend to tear up I miss him so much. It is painful. The love we have for our children can be overwhelming! I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things he does with his life and I will continue to “hang on” as he builds a life of his own.

Thanks for being here!

Like a Roadmap to My Life

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Day 5/6

“Fear of accepting that I’m just not as “book-smart” as some others.” This was what I wrote about myself on Day 5. Not having a degree would sometimes make me feel like an outcast in social situations where I live, as we have the most degreed population in the country. It gets very uncomfortable. Especially depending on the crowd I’m around at the moment. Deepak says “true self esteem means to rest in the self.” Our self image is built over the years and to the ego our self image is everything.

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Next I was to make a list of positive attributes about myself. Don’t judge! This is just the feelings I had at the time and based on my life experiences.

Motivated
Organized
Honest
Caring
Green Eyes
Pretty/Nice Figure
Reader
Varied Interests
Take Good Care of Myself
Good Mother
Responsible
Empathetic

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Making a list like that was not something I’d ever done before (or since!) It does make you quite uncomfortable to start. What great things can I say about myself?! Not something I do! But why not? Just looking at the list I feel proud of who I am. Ok, so I don’t have my degree. But that does not mean I’m not intelligent. Life circumstances stopped me in my tracks while I was in college and I never finished. Life changed again and a few years ago I did earn my Holistic Health Certification and I’m really proud of that. When I finished my certification I was overwhelmed with ideas of what I wanted to do. I wanted and still want to do it ALL!Should I pursue a job working for a doctor? Should I do one-on-one coaching? Should I do group coaching? Seminars? Or online coaching? The list goes on and on. Then during this mediation series I had an a-ha moment where I decided what I wanted to do first was write a book and tell my story. I wrote in my notebook:

“I feel the need to get it all out there to help others. I dream of being an author and someone that can help others with my story. I have no experience in writing but I’m doing it anyway. I just have this pull to do it and get all the words out. There is a story there. Write a book and share it on my blog.”

Well, there is it. I had my answer of what I was going to do! These meditation experiences have been revolutionary and truly life changing. It’s made me think through every problem or opportunity in my life. Working through the journaling at the end of each session really got to the core of my BEING. And the words would flow out like a roadmap to my life. I really believe that.

This week try making a list of all of your positive attributes and see how it feels! I’d love to hear how it goes! Don’t forget to comment! Thanks for being here!

Spiritual Friendships

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Day 5

The last day of my Meditation Workshop was all about relationships. Specifically friendships and romantic relationships. Similarly to building your tribe, but more focused on actually pursuing the relationships and friendships you want in your life.

Because of this idea, I notice I’m always “on alert” when meeting new people. I’m looking for signs that we have similarities. It could be social justice or mindfulness or any one of many things. I recently met a woman at work who I connected with INSTANTLY. And not because I knew so much about her, but she matched my energy. Which is rare. I feel like I have a ton of energy, I talk a lot and I’m a doer. So, when I find someone who speaks animatedly like I do, I’m like a moth to a flame! And after talking for only a few minutes, we were exchanging contact information. I don’t see her often, but when I do, we greet each other with hugs and begin talking so much we lose track of what else is going on around us. THIS is a spiritual friendship. Just one example of one though. Another lightening bolt friendship happened while I was attending an event for an organization I volunteer with when I got to talking to a woman I’ve only talked to in passing once or twice. Again, she matched my energy immediately, but this time it turns out we are incredibly alike. Maybe more alike than any other friend I’ve made in many, many years. We became good friends shortly after! These are the people to surround yourself with. I’m aware that I cannot and should not be pushy. Friendships either happen or they don’t, but engaging is key. You will not curate your tribe if you don’t get out there and meet people and then talk to them, with meaning. So, what I do now, that I NEVER would have done before, is start to invite these people I’ve met to get together as soon as I see or hear of something I know they would be interested in. Or just lunch, as soon as possible! I can’t tell you how rewarding this is. These kinds of friendships are SO DIFFERENT from the friends you make because you both have kids on the same sports team or in the same classroom. Maybe that’s all you have in common! The question to ask yourself is “Who do I want to bring into my life as a friend who shares similar values?” Life changing.

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I’m not expert on romance or intimacy but there were a few nuggets to take here. The idea is that most couples feel disconnected in some way and they want to be closer. We are connected but separate. If you want more connection you have to act that way. There’s a revelation! Yes, this is something Gretchen Rubin says about with happiness or confidence, etc. She says “Act the way you want to feel.” By the way, this REALLY works. If you haven’t tried it, I say give it a go. It’s kind of like fake it til you make it. Eventually, you will truly catch up to feel like what you were doing to “fake it.” A couple of other takeaways I found helpful were the following.

Precision – Pay attention to the other person. Have good manners. Be thoughtful and honest.

Openness – Equal importance is given to you and the other person.

Romance – Romance ends. But you can increase intimacy. It has no end.

I have to say these are ALL works in progress for me. I’ve been married to a great guy for 24 years and in that time I may have lapsed on a couple of these to say the least. I also think just that fact that our kids are older now and we can start spending some time away together resolves a lot of these issues. We can now plan a hike or movie without thinking about who am I driving where today. Because they all drive themselves! My life is not their life anymore. In some ways, that makes me want to cry! On the other hand, life is changing and our relationship is changing too. And that’s a good thing.

Have you built spiritual friendships? Are you wanting to connect in your romantic relationships? Try the following;

Seek out friendships with people with similar values, who enjoy the things you enjoy and align yourself with those people.

Take the initiative to meet up with these new friends. Don’t wait!

In your romantic relationships, try paying attention to the other person, being honest and thoughtful.

I would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for being here!

Mind, Body, Spirit

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Day 3/4

We have all seen the positive slogans. They abound everywhere. You have these slogans on your phone, on your water bottle, on your clothes, just about anywhere. But, unless you have done the work behind the slogan, what does it really mean? Not a heck of a lot. If you stare at a post-it note on your mirror that says “Be Grateful”. Are you really going to be more grateful? I would think not. But if you have a daily gratitude practice and then you see your post-it on the mirror, the reminder has much more significance. You can feel it, not just read it.

Deepak says if we take care of our mind, body and spirit everyday our relationships will blossom. I find that to be so true. This was a reminder to me to pay attention to the intentions I set for myself and re-evaluate. I set the following self-care goals for myself:

Extend my meditation practice to 15 minutes a day

Stay hydrated – track again

Monitor sleep habits – get 7 hours/night

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At this point I was meditating regularly in the morning for about 5-10 minutes. I had done a few longer sessions, but now I wanted to progress my practice. This took a little longer to get comfortable with. I bounced around with different guided mediations, I tried just music, until I eventually found a few I really enjoyed. Now I’d say my practice flows between 15-20 minutes depending on the day.

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Staying hydrated was a goal that I was tracking in my planner. Somewhere along the line I stopped, so in this case, it was obvious to me that I needed to track it to accomplish it. I still do this daily. Between my morning hot green tea, cold green tea after my workout and water in the afternoon, I get it all in.

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I’ve never been one to have much trouble getting to or staying asleep. Only when I was in pain did I have trouble. But because I’m an early riser I need to stay on track with my bedtime. If I stay up past 9:30 I feel it the next day. I have a daily alarm set for 4:45am which gives me just over 7 hours of sleep. I know my body doesn’t need more than that because I couldn’t sleep much longer even if I wanted to. My body likes to be up doing in the morning! Before I started monitoring my sleep I was in the 7 hour range, but I had noticed I had too many nights where I was at 5 hours. I can function, but not well. I become irritable and I make mistakes. Having a clear bedtime made this all much easier.

This week take a look at your self-care routine. Do you have one? If not think about what you could do for yourself. If you already have one, maybe revisit it and see where you can jump back in or tweak it someway. Thanks for being here!

True Self

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Day 1/2

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I began my fourth Meditation Experience in July of 2019. This was my forth go around and was excited to get started. This time the focus was on relationships. I needed to work in some of these area more than others. And to be clear, relationships were an area that needed some work for sure.

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Deepak says “We are not our feelings. Our true selves are always fully awake”. I’ve heard this before explained as “we are not our thoughts.” Being authentic has been a focus for me ever since I started learning from Brene Brown, Deepak Chopra and Gretchen Rubin. How much time did I waste not being authentic? And surrounding myself with those who I truly had no connection with and not really enjoying the things that I loved and made me happy?

There was a time when I would meet someone new and I would hear myself edit my conversation as I’m speaking! Maybe not tell the entirety of my story. And for what? What does not being authentic do for me? I think I’m meeting someone new, I’m looking for that bond or I’m thinking this could be a new friendship so don’t scare them away! Ha! When I stopped doing that, suddenly I had the best friendships I’d had in a long time. The right people just fell into my life. If I fall in that trap I stop and correct it, being my true self instead. There are places where I’m ALWAYS my true self. With my family, when writing, at yoga, and with my new friends. And it goes hand in hand with feeling my best.

Do you feel like you are your authentic self when meeting new people? This week try and catch yourself when you hear yourself not being authentic. You will be so happy with the results and the people you attract into your life! Thanks for being here!

Stories We Tell Ourselves

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Day 7-9

As much progress as I’d made to this point, I would occasionally have thoughts like what could have been if I hadn’t been hurt. This is not a good road to venture down. For so long I was only focused on the negative. I was consumed with pain. It was a constant battle to focus on the positive and move forward, but I did it. I realized too, that I should have been much more in charge of my own health. I don’t necessarily follow all of what a doctor will tell me these days. I use my common sense as well as I listen to what I’m told. The difference is when I was younger I would follow the doctor’s instructions to a tee, even if inside it didn’t feel right. Never questioning.

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It’s hard I think for some people to understand what a gift I was given with these events occurring in my life. You hear people say this after a tragedy occurs, and you think that can’t possibly be how they feel. But it is. Every single part of my life is better because of what happen to me. Just to name a few.. I fixed my diet, I did another Happiness Project, I learned how to meditate, I learned how to exercise with correct form, I learned yoga and made a ton of new friends. And as you know, if you have been reading this blog, each of those areas ricochet into many more areas of improvement. A big self improvement, self healing journey. I guarantee you NONE of that would have had happen if my life hadn’t been stopped in it’s tracks.

Deepak says no two people see reality the same way. Reality is personal (the stories you tell yourself). This was a big AHA moment for me. The fact that there even could be stories I was telling myself was a new idea. What do you mean? You mean every thought in my head isn’t based on facts? Ha! I catch myself in this one ALL THE TIME. Am I making up a story in my head? Or is this something based in facts that I know is true? Life changing when you are aware of this. Deepak says “we are the author of our life story”. I love that so much. I’m just going to keep living my truth. I hope you will too.

Do you feel like you are telling yourself a story about what is happening in your life? Or is it based on actual facts? It’s a good question to ask yourself. Often. Once you start asking you can see where you can let go of a lot of anxiety and worry. Please comment below! I can’t wait to hear from you! Thanks for being here!

My Time, Your Time, and Our Time

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Day 12

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According to Deepak Chopra, we all have our own rhythm. We can’t and shouldn’t expect others to be in our rhythm. The ego tells us “our time is better” but we do need to respect each other’s styles. And when we come together those differences go away and the attention needs to be on “us”, not “me.”

In my notebook I have a three things listed under My Time:

Sketching
Reading
Meditating

We all know what happen with sketching! (see previous post) My intentions were good. I tried it and it didn’t stick. That’s ok. If I was to do this exercise today I would replace sketching with yoga or journaling.

Reading is a mainstay in my life and a BIG priority. It gets A LOT of my free time because I get so much happiness from reading and everything to do with reading. Like, browsing the library, reading book reviews, going to author talks and signings, going to books stores, talking to others about books.. it goes on and on.

And the last area I wrote in my notebook to under My Time was meditation. Another non-negotiable. I make sure I have my meditation time early in the morning when no one else is awake and there are no distractions. It’s by far my favorite part of my day. I know I’m doing so much good for myself. Changing those pathways in my brain!!!

For Your Time, I couldn’t choose what my husband does with his free time, I just know that he needs to choose that for himself. Most of the time he will choose golf. He enjoys it because he’s in outdoors in nature, walking, and playing a sport he loves. If not golfing, the other activity he chooses for his free time is running. As long as he has his time to do his thing, all is good.

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Then there is Our Time. I’ve talked about this before too, but our dates mostly consist of seeing concerts and other musical events. We are BIG music people. I didn’t realize how big until recently. I thought, “doesn’t everyone want to go to as many concerts as possible?!” No, they don’t, actually. Ha! Well, these are our dates most of the time. He enjoys eating out way more than I do. When restaurants catch up to what healthy eating consists of, I’ll venture out again. There are a few places doing it right, but not many. I like knowing what’s in my food these days.

Do you have scheduled time to yourself? Try the following:

Make a list of three or four things you want to do with YOUR time.

If you are in a relationship, what are the things you could or want to do with OUR time?

I would love to hear your comments! Thanks for being here!

21 Day Meditation Experience Round 2

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Now it was time for another 21 Day Meditation Experience with Deepak Chopra! This time the topic was desire and manifestation. Very much like the law of attraction, Deepak explains that we are always sending out vibrations of energy and what we put out comes back to us. Always. Like attracts like and you attract who you are! So if you change your intention, you change your path. Life changing information here. He goes on to say that our inner intentions lead to outer results. Our thoughts are so powerful!

Before I get into what I learned in this lesson, let me just start by saying that this experience was life changing for me. There was SO MUCH self discovery for me in these lessons. Every day I was inching closer to what I wanted and the path to get there was coming into focus. Especially when I look back at my notes now, I see this is where so much of my future began. Here we go.

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I first made a list of my hopes and desires for the 21 Day Experience. Here was my list in the summer of 2018.

To be less fearful (conquer fears)
To go after what I want
To be kind and giving and mean it
To find part time work that works with my health priorities
Go back to school in some form
To be as pain free as possible

Reading this list now makes me so emotional. I actual completed all of these things. It took a lot of work, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Action steps are the key. If you don’t take action nothing will happen. And putting out the energy I want to receive really works. If you don’t believe me, give it a try. I think you will be surprised!

Next was to list my daily desires.

Love (being kind to others)
Alone time (just what is needed)
Connection and friendship (say yes and be open)
Rest
Improvement of my home life
Planning (don’t over do it)

I really had to be careful with alone time and planning because I literally could do that all day. And have. Planning, planning, planning, by myself for hours. That’s my Upholder personality on steroids. I need both of those things in my life, but now I’m aware of the trap of falling too deep and get carried away into my default behavior. Being self aware always me to see my personality traits in action and put a stop to it when I need to. Especially when I know it’s not going to benefit me, and could possibly be a negative in my life.

This week take minute and think about your hopes and desires. Then make a list to remind yourself of what you want your life to look like. Next, begin to act they way you want to feel. I’ve heard Gretchen Rubin say this too, and it also applies to the Law of Attraction. You will attract the energy you want to receive. Like attracts like!!! Please comment your experience below! Thanks for being here!