Manifestation

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Day 3

Today’s lesson was all about getting closer to your true self, which we can achieve in meditation. Deepak says when we get closer to our true selves we can attract our desires into our life and to really let our soul be our guide. When I heard this it reminded me that I had heard an interview on a podcast where the discussion was all about soul writing. If you haven’t heard of soul writing it’s when you spend time in a quiet space writing in a free form. Whatever comes to mind, you just fill the page with it. I’ve heard people say they have had some of their absolute best ideas come from this form of writing. I have to admit, this has been on my “to do list” for a at least a year. My plan is for it to go on my 2020 Vision Board! (more on vision boards to come!)

My notes from Day 3 are so telling of my state of mind at the time. I could not see things manifesting in my life and I have to say two of the three have happened and the least important one did not. Not yet. I’m on my way. And I also think that’s the universe telling me to get my priorities in order! Which does happen with a little more work in the future.

So, here are my notes from this lesson.

Question 1
Name 3 things you truly wish you could have in your life and believe to be unattainable, so much so that you resigned yourself to not having them.

My answers are so telling here.

1 To be pain free.
2 To not be afraid of the medical community.
3 To redecorate the house. (SIDE NOTE: I still can’t believe with all I had going on that I listed this as a “wish”, but there is it. I’m not editing. Being honest in all it’s glory!)

Question 2
Reasons why they will not manifest

1 Too much damage to my body.
2 I don’t know how to begin to trust doctors again.
3 Not enough money.

Question 3
Ways nature could arrange for me to get desires. (Imagine it!)

1 Yoga works. I get injections. I continue physical therapy. My brain settles down.
2 Work on ABCDE problem solving. Dispute my thoughts. Keep working on coping skills.
3 I get a part-time job.

It’s funny, when I wrote out that I wanted to be pain free, it truly felt like a wish and not at all attainable. But when I read my answer on how to get what I desire, I was on the right track, even then. This just proves to me that the law of attraction works and was working in my life. Yoga has been a HUGE healer. Yoga gives me strength, flexibility, relieves my muscle tension, reduces my stress and forces me to practice mindfulness. It’s the best part of my day for sure.

Problem solving is another key and something I’ve talked about already here. At the time, again, I can see by knowing I needed to keep up this strategy in my life I was going to make it happen.

Part time work! Yes, after 20 years of being a stay at home mom I finally came to the realization that if my husband and I were going to send our kids off to college debt free (meaning them AND us) then more money needed to come into the house. In addition to budgeting and really getting a hold of our personal finances. Which I did and still do. Again, huge stress reliever! Later in this program, I will actually discover what I want as I get in touch with my true self. Spoiler alert, I AM working a part-time job now, but I’ll save the details for a little later.

This week think about your desires and go through the questions above. I think it can be a very eye-opening exercise!

Dynamic Life vs Active Life

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Day 11/12

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I’ve talked before about Emotional Contagion, and in some ways the energy you bring into a room take on the same contagiousness. Deepak says “When you walk into a room, you bring your energy with you. Everyone can feel it. We choose what we send into the world.” Deepak explains the difference between a Dynamic Life vs an Active Life. A lot of us have Active Lives (mental activities and rushing around and ending up feeling empty). In a Dynamic Life there is a purpose to your energy.

This got me thinking of my own life before and after my injury. I most definitely had the Active life prior to my injury.. rushing, rushing, rushing with no meaning. Very self-centered. Now I have a much more Dynamic Life which I have built over the last few years to include all the things that have meaning and give me joy. It’s a completely different life.

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How was I choosing to show up? What kind of energy was I bringing into the room. We have to own that. We are responsible for it. When someone unleashes their negative energy you can feel it. So, next I was to make a list of how I wanted to show up from now on. Here we go.

Open
Warm
Friendly
Kind
Asking Questions
Talking to Everyone
Be Involved
Be Authentic to Who I am
Engaging
Positive
Complimentary

I try to run through a version of this list before I walk into an exercise class, meeting up with friends, going to events, talking on the phone and even just going grocery shopping! ANYWHERE I will be seeing people. Even in my own home. If I don’t, it’s so easy to fall into being with myself only and cutting everyone off. I can even feel when my energy is like that so I KNOW others around me are feeling it and that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid.

This week try making a list of how you would like to show up in your life. Keep it somewhere you will see it until it becomes a habit to run through it mentally before engaging with others! I would love to see your lists! Thank you for being here!

Hang On!

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Day 7/8

As I moved through my Meditation Experience, thinking about relationships in my life, both with family and friends, a few things became clear. My oldest son was growing up. At this time he was 19 years old and in his first year of college. I’ve come to grips with the fact that he has other things he wants to do now than hang out with his mom! But I miss hanging out with him terribly. This is not a unique situation I’m in. Everyone with grown children would probably tell you a similar story. But that doesn’t make it any less painful. I was losing him. I felt like (and still do) that things are happening in fast forward and I’m just trying to hang on as he makes his way through life. I can barely catch up with my feelings as he moves to the next new thing. I wasn’t used to the idea of him living in a dorm when suddenly we were getting him his apartment for the following year. And at the same time he was asking us to send him abroad to study. I hadn’t even adjusted to him not living at home fully and suddenly all this was happening. It felt fast. Really fast. That’s all I can say. I never feel ready. Things just keep moving forward. I think when they are little and things move forward, we are parents and are in control. So, we can manage it easier. But, when they are adults that control is gone.

What I try to do when I’m feeling out of control is to re-frame the situation and tell myself he is growing into a strong adult. I mean, at some point, he’s got to be off and running on his own right? When I was his age, I had my own apartment (with a roommate) with no one supporting me. I worked a full-time corporate job and went to school at night. I found my own doctors, made my own appointments and began saving for a condo. So, when I think about it that way, he really doesn’t need me as much as I think he does.

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Deepak says “Love is essential as a human.” And I feel like love changes with the different seasons of our lives. I will always miss that little boy who wanted to be with me every hour of every day. When I see other moms and little boys I tend to tear up I miss him so much. It is painful. The love we have for our children can be overwhelming! I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things he does with his life and I will continue to “hang on” as he builds a life of his own.

Thanks for being here!

Spiritual Friendships

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Day 5

The last day of my Meditation Workshop was all about relationships. Specifically friendships and romantic relationships. Similarly to building your tribe, but more focused on actually pursuing the relationships and friendships you want in your life.

Because of this idea, I notice I’m always “on alert” when meeting new people. I’m looking for signs that we have similarities. It could be social justice or mindfulness or any one of many things. I recently met a woman at work who I connected with INSTANTLY. And not because I knew so much about her, but she matched my energy. Which is rare. I feel like I have a ton of energy, I talk a lot and I’m a doer. So, when I find someone who speaks animatedly like I do, I’m like a moth to a flame! And after talking for only a few minutes, we were exchanging contact information. I don’t see her often, but when I do, we greet each other with hugs and begin talking so much we lose track of what else is going on around us. THIS is a spiritual friendship. Just one example of one though. Another lightening bolt friendship happened while I was attending an event for an organization I volunteer with when I got to talking to a woman I’ve only talked to in passing once or twice. Again, she matched my energy immediately, but this time it turns out we are incredibly alike. Maybe more alike than any other friend I’ve made in many, many years. We became good friends shortly after! These are the people to surround yourself with. I’m aware that I cannot and should not be pushy. Friendships either happen or they don’t, but engaging is key. You will not curate your tribe if you don’t get out there and meet people and then talk to them, with meaning. So, what I do now, that I NEVER would have done before, is start to invite these people I’ve met to get together as soon as I see or hear of something I know they would be interested in. Or just lunch, as soon as possible! I can’t tell you how rewarding this is. These kinds of friendships are SO DIFFERENT from the friends you make because you both have kids on the same sports team or in the same classroom. Maybe that’s all you have in common! The question to ask yourself is “Who do I want to bring into my life as a friend who shares similar values?” Life changing.

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I’m not expert on romance or intimacy but there were a few nuggets to take here. The idea is that most couples feel disconnected in some way and they want to be closer. We are connected but separate. If you want more connection you have to act that way. There’s a revelation! Yes, this is something Gretchen Rubin says about with happiness or confidence, etc. She says “Act the way you want to feel.” By the way, this REALLY works. If you haven’t tried it, I say give it a go. It’s kind of like fake it til you make it. Eventually, you will truly catch up to feel like what you were doing to “fake it.” A couple of other takeaways I found helpful were the following.

Precision – Pay attention to the other person. Have good manners. Be thoughtful and honest.

Openness – Equal importance is given to you and the other person.

Romance – Romance ends. But you can increase intimacy. It has no end.

I have to say these are ALL works in progress for me. I’ve been married to a great guy for 24 years and in that time I may have lapsed on a couple of these to say the least. I also think just that fact that our kids are older now and we can start spending some time away together resolves a lot of these issues. We can now plan a hike or movie without thinking about who am I driving where today. Because they all drive themselves! My life is not their life anymore. In some ways, that makes me want to cry! On the other hand, life is changing and our relationship is changing too. And that’s a good thing.

Have you built spiritual friendships? Are you wanting to connect in your romantic relationships? Try the following;

Seek out friendships with people with similar values, who enjoy the things you enjoy and align yourself with those people.

Take the initiative to meet up with these new friends. Don’t wait!

In your romantic relationships, try paying attention to the other person, being honest and thoughtful.

I would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for being here!

Say Yes to Life!

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Today focuses on playful manifestation. Deepak talks about “saying yes”, which is one of my happiness goals that I wrote about earlier. Here I got a much better understanding of why this is so important.

According to Deepak, “To be carefree is to trust the universe to take care of everything.” For an Upholder like me this seems to be an impossible task. I like controlling situations. Being “carefree” was not in my vocabulary. To be honest, I spent my whole life up to this point doing the exact opposite. Never in the flow, always worrying and trying to control outcomes. Desperate and uptight = disappointment. There’s a slogan for your fridge! And a good reminder!

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Deepak says when we let go of resistance to life it amplifies the law of attraction. I find this to be true. Letting go is a constant struggle for me, although I am MUCH improved. For example, as I write this my 19 year old son is planning his 4 month study abroad trip to Prague. The old me would be literally SICK with worry. All of the horrific scenarios worked up and spinning through my head on a daily basis. I would have been losing sleep, researching the area intently and constantly “talking” it over with my husband. I have done NONE of that. I’m trusting that things will be just fine. Because, if I was to apply my ABCDE strategies here, I would come to the conclusion that the facts would be on my side and I didn’t have much to worry about. That being said, as we get closer, I will have a talk with him about safety and we will be sure he has everything he needs. And then I will let go! Life is so much better this way. Both physically and mentally!

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Are you someone who is naturally carefree? Do you aspire to be so? Try saying yes to whatever comes your way and see how your life opens up and the law of attraction starts working. Try letting go of controlling outcomes and situations. Let me know how it goes! Thanks for being here!

The Law of Attraction

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Day 6

“What you dwell on is what you receive” according to Deepak Chopra. It was clear to me if I continued to sit around dwelling on how much pain I was in and how I couldn’t do the things I used to do, I was just going to attract more of the same. Deepak says our power comes from our attention. This is so true. What we pay attention to does indeed grow. He explains that desire needs nourishment in the following ways:

  • Have a clear intention (no excuses)
  • Have positive emotions
  • Believe it will be beneficial for you
  • Prepare for any response. Be flexible.
  • Confident aid will come from the universe
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Having a clear intention daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.. however you want to do it is a gamechanger. It’s a complete mind shift. This is why a lot of yoga classes start with setting an intention. It’s a reminder for when you start thinking about other things. Just like a meditation and coming back to the breath, but in this case it’s coming back to the intention. When we choose an intention we are choosing to manifest something, on our mat, or in our life. Having intention is been so helpful for me. Needless to say, in my former life I did the opposite of having intention. I just was free wheeling and let the chips fall where they may. I don’t recommend that way of living!

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Having positive emotions and believing it to be beneficial falls back to my work on my ABCDE strategies. (See previous posts) My former self would be in a negative mind set. This is our human default. We have a negative bias as protection. You must learn to counteract this with positive feelings and emotions.

But, what I needed to work on most was to “prepare for any response.” Like I said, I was one who loved to control outcomes. But you really can’t control outcomes. All you can control is your reaction to the outcome. I’d been screwing that part up all my life. No longer. I’m so self aware that I have learned how to be more in the flow. I even bought an intention bracelet with the word “flow” engraved on it as a constant daily reminder! It’s that important to me that I correct this behavior!

If you would like to focus your intentions to attract the things you want in your life, try the steps above to start changing what you dwell on and where you give your attention.

I would love to hear your comments! Thank you for being here!

The Four Tendencies

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I can’t tell you how much self-knowledge has changed my life. It makes everything so clear and EASIER. Knowing yourself enables us to pursue all those things in life we want to pursue, it allows us to tackle problems and makes change. One of the ways to do this is to know your tendency, as laid out by Gretchen Rubin in The Four Tendencies. You can find it here. https://amzn.to/2VfHJ46 This is just one small slice of your personality, but an important one. Your tendency shows how you respond to expectations, both inner and outer.

I’ll start with Upholders because I fall into this category! Upholders easily meet inner and outer expectations. They like to do lists and generally can do what is it is they want to get done. They are doer’s and rule followers. On the downside, they can be rigid and can seem like a killjoy. They also experience “tightening” which is when they go beyond the rules to make more rules. They can be told they have a “extreme personality” (oh yes, I’ve been told that) I tip a little bit to Questioner, but not much. One more thing, this is the second smallest group.

Questioners only meet expectations that fit their criteria. If they believe it to be true or from an authority they trust they will meet the expectation. So, everything becomes an inner expectation. They tend to analyze to death and have difficulty making a decision. They can end up in “analysis paralysis”. Questioners also don’t like to be questioned. I can vouch for all of this, as my husband is a Questioner.

Obligers are the largest group! Most people are Obligers. They meet outer expectations but have trouble meeting inner expectations. They can meet the work deadline, but have trouble sticking to their exercise program. Obligers do well with an accountability partner. They will meet the expectation if someone else is expecting it from them. Accountability partners or accountability in some form are key for Obligers.

Rebels are the smallest group. Rebels only do what they want to do. They tend to not meet inner or outer expectations, unless they want to. If someone tells them to do something, it makes them not want to do it more. Rebels do not like to-do lists. They can do anything they want to do. Usually, reframing the situation works well for Rebels. Forming the expectation into something they want for themselves is key.

Not only is self knowledge important, it’s also so helpful in all your relationships. Now that I know my husband is a Questioner, I can see when his tendency is showing up immediately and most of the time, it doesn’t get under my skin because I take a moment to pause and think “ that’s his Questioner personality coming through”. I really think it helps in friendships, families and coworkers as well. Once you know the structure, it’s pretty easy to identify someone’s tendency and therefore you can more easily understand where they are coming from. If you want to know your tendency you can take the quiz here. https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/four-tendencies-quiz/ When you are done come back and leave a comment telling me your tendency! Can’t wait to hear! Thanks for being here!

A New Chapter

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After completing my second Happiness Project, I spent some time listening to Mel Robbins. Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker, who recently started her own talk show. When I found her, she was being interviewed on one of my favorite podcasts. A lot of what she says resonates with me and put some things about my life into perspective.

When I thought about what I wanted my life to look like two or three years ahead as she suggests, I saw the following:

Pursue a job that had meaning and purpose

Surround myself with positive, uplifting friends

Be active without pain

Be free of money worries

Become an activist

Substantially increase my reading

Become mindful and optimistic

These were BIG picture goals. If I’ve learned nothing else it’s that ACTION is key to every single change you want to make in your life. Period. The end. You can put up slogans and quotes all day but there is NO MEANING behind them without the work. I see the difference. I would read quotes like “be yourself”. And think “that’s nice, yes, be yourself”. But now it screams at me! Be authentic! Fill your life with what makes you happy! When you are actually feeling the affects of taking action, something like “be yourself” becomes extremely powerful and a huge motivator. These were my new eyes looking at the world.

Mel also talks about using our problems to not take responsibility. Whoa. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I could just hear all the “I can’t’s” coming out of my mouth over the years. She suggests naming the old chapter in your life and then naming your new chapter in your life. So, I decided my old chapter would be called “Fearful, Self-Centered Mona” and my new chapter would be called “Giving, Loving, Brave Mona”. That pretty much sums it up nicely! And a really CLEAR way to see how I was behaving and how I wanted to live going forward.

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I had decided to live in a “growth mindset” from now on. I had a past full of bad experiences that brought me to where I was and in a lot of ways I’m thankful for all the trauma I’d been through recently, because if I hadn’t gone through this I would not have tackled all these other areas in my life. Even if I had resolved my pain issue, I still would have been eating all the wrong foods, drinking, living stressed out, throwing money away, etc. My “why” was abundantly clear. I would have continued with things happening to me, instead of taking control. Mel explains that our mindset is fixed in childhood. I’ve already talked about some of the issues of my childhood and the remnants left on me, but here she wakes me up to the fact that I could be repeating negative self talk all the way back to childhood. Looking back on how much I survived, it’s possible there’s a little post traumatic stress disorder there. I never thought about these episodes carrying over to my adult life, but they certainly do. How many adults are part of the walking wounded? Without any resolution? A lot of us is my guess.

If you want to learn more about Mel Robbins you can find her at http://melrobbins.com. Do you have a name for an old chapter of your life? How about your new chapter? Share them below! And thanks for being here!

Relationships

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Day 11’s meditation was all about giving relationships quality time. If we don’t pay attention to our relationships, they devolve. It’s really choice on whether or not we give our relationships the attention they deserve. I had two issues here. One, I neglected all my relationships (except with my mother and children) during the time I out of commission. I didn’t see any of my friends during this time. For one, I couldn’t do anything. And I just didn’t want to talk about how awful I felt. I just wanted to feel normal. And my relationship with my husband was strained to say the least. He took on all the driving duties for our kids at this time. My son was about a year away from learning to drive and when he did that eased up the responsibilities some. I couldn’t even do the dishes or any housework whatsoever. He did what he could, but he was very busy at work as well. My mom helped out, I ordered my groceries online and did what I could. My life had come to a halt. That is going to strain any relationship. He was feeling the stress of “why aren’t you getting better” too.

The second issue, and one I will cover much more in depth later, is that I wasn’t that great at paying attention to my friendships in the first place, before any of this started. I didn’t make it a priority. I let time slide between seeing them. I would say no to invitations for no good reason. And I really don’t know why I did that, but looking back it is most definitely a pattern I see.

I’ve made my friendships a huge priority. I talked about the types of people I’m surrounding myself with on a prior post about finding my tribe, but what happens when you have your tribe? I began to make those people in my life a priority. I make a point to invite friends on lunch or dinner dates. If I see that I don’t have any booked, I started reaching out and getting things on my calendar. I ask myself, who haven’t I seen in a while? Or who do I need to connect with right now?

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I also make sure I’m showing up for friends when needed. I’m quick to offer help now, where to be honest I wasn’t before. I’m not proud of this. It’s just a fact. Now, I’m more giving. And when I am with my friends, I make sure it’s a real conversation and that just comes naturally now because of the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Taking time to talk is so important. Even just a quick text makes a difference.

Are you looking to make your relationships a priority? Try the following:

Make time to meet up with your friends, whether that means lunch, dinner, a movie, a festival, whatever you enjoy! And make sure you have these dates in your calendar to make them a priority!

Check in with your friends often just to see how they are doing or even a quick text to keep connected.

Can’t wait to hear your comments! Thanks for being here!

My Happiness Project Round 2

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In one of my previous posts I talked about finding strategies for good mental health. One of them if you remember, was Learn to Be at Peace with Yourself. That really caught my attention and was very different from the other strategies. It went on to say “Get to know who you are, what makes you really happy and learn to balance what you can and cannot change about yourself.” This was aha moment for me. Immediately, out of nowhere, I remembered that eight years earlier I had done a Happiness Project after reading Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project. I ran to my bookshelf for it and there it was. Just waiting for me. The goal of The Happiness Project is the same as the strategy I was working on. Get to know who you are and what makes you happy! In addition to finding what truly makes you happy the other side of that is to STOP with all the things that other people find fun and you don’t. For me, I don’t find any of the of following fun; Skiing or any cold weather activity, watching sports, and more recently drinking alcohol (gasp!) and going out to eat. One of the big lessons of that book was just because someone else finds something fun doesn’t mean I have to. I don’t let people talk me into things I know I won’t enjoy. That doesn’t mean I don’t try new things. I just am way more in touch with myself. I know now what I consider fun and honestly, I’ve always known, but now I’m being AUTHENTIC. I love going to concerts and music in general, I love reading, cooking, planning, hot sunny weather, fitness and exercise, going to museums, and the arts in general. There’s more but those are the big ones. And guess what, not everyone will find those things fun either and that’s ok. It’s all about knowing what makes you happy and doing that. Years ago, when The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin was first published I jumped right in. I was 39 years old, loved the book and thought “that looks fun”. Fast forward to 2017, I’m 47 years old and a mess and looking at another Happiness Project for completely different reasons. So, this Learn to Be at Peace with Yourself strategy struck a cord immediately. In my wellness notebook I wrote next to it “Consider doing another happiness project?” And that’s what I did.

If you are unfamiliar with the book, I suggest giving it a read whether you choose to do the project or not. You can find it here. https://amzn.to/2LwcApU Basically once you come up with your resolutions, you choose a quote to keep you motivated and then break the resolution down into actions you will do daily or weekly, for the entire month. My first Resolution, which I started in November of 2017 (again, so thankful for my journaling) looked like this:

This Month’s Resolution: Conquer Fears (take control)

My quotation: “Don’t let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen”

Daily/Weekly Actions

Take timed walks

Progress with different shoes

Take timed baths

Visualize

Rebute Fears in Writing (see previous post on ABCDE model)

Get back on my Computer

Taking timed walks and rebuting my fears in writing I’ve talked about already. So, you know where I was headed on those resolutions. Let’s talk about the shoes! Ah, the shoes! I only wore one pair for at least for a year and a half. I’m sure you can guess why! Fear that any other shoes would hurt my back! I couldn’t even wear what you would call regular athletic shoes. All the technology going on in the bed of shoe would throw my neck out of whack. I still don’t wear them. I’ll admit I’m not wearing heels (yet!) but I wear whatever flats I want. This may seem small and trivial to you, but to me it was a REAL fear. I was afraid of more pain. Period. So, retraining my brain was the goal.

For the next few weeks I will continue to post more about my second Happiness Project going month by month. Hope you will join me!

Have you done a Happiness Project? I’d love to hear about it! Comment below! Thanks for being here!