So Day 16 hit me right over the head, immediately, with this statement. “No one will rescue you.” For a long time, I counted on others to do things for me. In every way. Whether it was my parents, my spouse, a friend or a co-worker. I lived my life in a way which allowed me to feel secure that someone else would pick up the pieces of my mistakes and carelessness. This could be my financial situation, a speeding ticket, something broken in the house or my car needing repaired. I never until very recently took care and ownership of these things myself. I would go to someone else for help. Every. Time. Not that we should have supportive people in our lives when it’s truly needed, that’s not what I was doing. I knew and chose to behave in a way that eventually would need rescuing. At some point in this journey of mine I got very tired of relying on others. I started fixing (what I could) myself as to not wait for what I wanted. It may not be “right” but it was done. And done by me. Our finances was another area of fantastical thinking that somehow I could magically pay for college, get out of debt and still retire well. Maybe someone would rescue me from this disaster? It would work out. Until I realized no one was going to take control of our finances if I didn’t. So I did. I read every book I could find on personal finance and l listened to podcasts and started putting all the advice I was hearing into action. On my own. No rescuing. I’m really proud of how much I’ve learned. We are now debt free (not including the mortgage, but that is next), have an emergency savings and a budget that I work on DAILY.
For most of my life I could get away with a lot because of the way I was treated. Mostly by men. People seemed to want to rescue me and I let it happen. Mostly in my 20’s and 30’s, but even if I wanted to play that up today, I could. But I would not ever want to be that person again. So much weakness there. I love being strong and more independent. It’s a great feeling! Along with being physically stronger makes for a powerful combination. I feel unstoppable. I fell back on the “poor me, rescue me” for way too long.
Deepak says we prefer denial than to actually look at our situation. And what we are aware of, we can change. Awareness is everything. Deepak explains, “Whatever you are not aware of you cannot change.” This is where change happens. Once you are aware of your reality, you can change it. I think this is what happen to me. I suddenly was listening to a variety of podcasts of these women who were not all that different than me and all that they were accomplishing and I thought “I could do that!” “I want to do what they are doing!” And so the change began. Awareness = Change.
Are there areas of your life where you feel like you are avoiding change? Or in denial about your reality? Take time to meditate on this to become closer to your true self. Change comes with awareness.