My True Self

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Day 5

Today’s lesson was really about exploring who you are and the reasons why we feel the desire for more. More food, more distractions, more money. Just more. Why do we feel we are lacking? Deepak say our true selves are whole and if we just “be ourselves” the energy of attraction will be enough.

Now we are getting into the nitty gritty. I had to look at myself and ask “How do I feel unworthy?” And my answer was gut wrenching. My response was:

I’m not smart enough to go back to school.

Ugh. That’s hard to say and even scarier to write. But I’m being totally honest. So, here we go. Because of my family situation at the time, I did not have the opportunity to finish college. My parents were separating and I went to live with my mom which meant kicking in for rent, so I started going to school at night and working full time during the day. Even after I left that situation, I never went back to school full time. I continued working and going to school. I thought, I’ll get done eventually. Fast forward to when I met my husband. We knew from when we were dating that we both wanted kids and that I would stay home with them. It was a shared value. My husband was also going to school at night and we were both paying our own way. So, the plan became, we pay for him to finish school, get married and I would quit school because I was going to stay home with our future children. This is a 20 something’s mentality. I would love to tell my younger self how important it is to finish! And this would hang over my head as a regret that I carried the rest of my life. Not because the degree itself is so important. It’s not really. It’s just the sense of accomplishment. I should have finished. I’ve learned to let that go and move on. But that unworthiness was THERE. I could feel it. This is when I started pondering going back to school in some form. I couldn’t do exactly what I wanted to do which was more in Public Health. I couldn’t at the time, because as I explained earlier, money was focused on COLLEGE for our kids. I could not justify a four year degree for myself at the time. So, I decided getting my certification as a health coach would be perfect. For now. The other dream is not gone!

Next question was, “When did I feel successful?”

Two things came to mind. One, was between my two health episodes, I started selling cosmetics. And surprise! I was GOOD at it. I was always the top representative in our group. I had no idea I had that talent until I tried! Huge confidence booster!

Secondly, would be in my exercise classes with Carrie. I truly felt like anything was possible. (You can find Carrie here transformativetraining.com) There were NO restrictions on what I was capable of and I felt incredibly strong. This carried over into other areas of my life as well. I could see my behavior changing. A combination of strength and confidence from Carrie and calm from my meditation. And it was serving me well.

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Lastly, I was to make a list of words that described my true self. Here we go:

successful
joyful
strong
energetic
leader
powerful
confident

These are words that others have used to describe me and that I feel are at the core of who I am. What a great exercise in self knowledge this was!

This week try to ask yourself those deep questions.

How do I feel unworthy? and When did I feel successful? Then make a list of words that describe your true self. Think of what others say are your positive traits.

Can’t wait to read your comments! Thanks for being here!

2 thoughts on “My True Self

  1. Joanna Ward

    Thank you for sharing Mona, I loved your post! I had a similar experience in going back to work part-time after 20 years of being a stay-at-home mom. Like you, I would not recommend it to my younger self:) While I feel blessed and I am so grateful for the opportunity to stay home and raise my two daughters, I was longing for something more to fill my days. My older daughter was now away at college and my younger daughter was a senior about to graduate. I had much more time on my hands and I thought now would be a good time to go back to work. I love exercise and fitness and I got a job as a wellness concierge(fancy name for front desk staff) at a boutique fitness studio near my home. However, dipping my toes back into the work force(even as small as it was, 10 hours per week) was not easy for me. I had feelings of self-doubt, being too old and not technically savvy enough. At times I thought about quitting, but I decided to stick with it and after a few months I was so glad I did! I met a great community of like-minded people who enjoyed fitness as much as I do, I have made great new friendships with my co-workers and clientele and I soon came to realize that my age wasn’t a big deal. Yes, it took me a little longer to catch on, especially on the computer, I have to constantly wear my readers and I am the oldest employee there, but my older self brought punctuality, dependability and pride to my job, which was equally as important. My job became much more to me than just collecting a paycheck, it gave me purpose. It gave me purpose to reach out without fear for a new and rich experience!

    Liked by 2 people

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